I finally knocked on the door. Seeking help. It was about time. I still fear, though – what if they don’t even believe me ? Ask for witnesses ?
My situation is unbearable. I can’t live like that anymore. Violence, insults, nagging, constant control over my life. This is just too much.
I realize I have much to lose when I push this door open. I am financially fragile and isolated. And I risk losing my connection to the children. The mere thought is gut-wrenching.
And the shame. What will they say ? Indulge in the usual stereotypes ? That a man must be strong ? That a man cannot be a victim of domestic violence ? That I am only half a man ? Ridiculous, all of it. And that’s if they even believe me.
But I must do it. I am running out of other options…
***
All of these men have experienced some form of domestic violence (sexual, physical, psychological). For the most part, they wanted to remain anonymous. The mask therefore fulfils this first function. It also fulfils a second, more metaphorical function: victims of domestic violence deal with the trauma they have suffered by presenting a "mask" to society, by reconstructing themselves away from the gaze of others. This mask is a reminder that it is the gaze of others that pushes the victims to hide. This is all the more pronounced for men who find it difficult to reconcile the fact that they have been victims of domestic violence with the vision that society projects onto a man.